Your perspective matters. A lot.

Recently, I had a experience driving a vehicle with cross-view mirrors on the front of the bus which give the driver an excellent view of the front of the vehicle. One mirror revealed something I never noticed before. Above the passenger door is a large rectangular box that I have never noticed before. Let me explain.

(See photo #1)

This piqued my interest. Is it an electrical box? Is it a coolant reservoir? Is it part of the mechanism to operate the passenger door? Why have I not noticed this before?  

After way too long of time pondering these questions, it dawned on me. This is the reflection of the side rear view mirrors from the perspective of the cross view mirrors!  


(See photo #2)


DUH! (Now, before you sit in TOTAL judgement of me, be honest with yourself. Haven’t you made similar errors in “perspective” in the past?). My excuse is (and I’m sticking with this excuse) that this is the first time that I’ve viewed anything from the perspective of the cross view mirrors. AHA!


There’s a whole new perspective I have not considered to this point. Once I understood and embraced the new perspective, everything made sense (and quite honestly, I feel quite stupid for concocting my own theories. . . Electrical box? . . . Coolant reservoir? . . . Door mechanism?).

In your relationship with your spouse, maybe the same thing has happened, and if not yet, it sure will.

—You have a perspective on a situation. You’re confident about it. You KNOW what’s right, what’s not right. You’ve made up your mind. Maybe you’re even adamant about it. Maybe your even stubborn or belligerent about it because you know you’re right.
—And then, you gain an additional perspective. Maybe a new perspective from your spouse!

It has happened to me way too many times:
—One night recently, following a 1.5 hour morning board meeting, an 8 hour drive, a 2 hour evening rehearsal, it was late, I was tired, I was hungry, my wife was picking me up from a fast-food joint where I had been dropped off following rehearsal. I grabbed a burger and was waiting outside where it was hot, dark, there were no sitting areas. I thought it took my wife more time to pick me up than it should have. I tried to be patient, finally calling her to learn that she was sitting in the parking lot on the other side of the restaurant. I tried to control my outburst, but blurted “I’ve been waiting outside for 20 minutes!” (Really, it was only 5 or 10, but it seemed like 20. But I reasoned that this was a much milder response than what I was really thinking and COULD have screamed). Her response, “I’m sorry, I thought you would be looking for me from inside the restaurant”.


My perspective. . . Her perspective. . . An opportunity for GRACE.

—I was once frustrated by the habit of locking the back door when I was gone for the day with my wife home with the kids. It was often awkward fumbling for my keys when my hands were full of paperwork, mail, iPad, drink, sack of groceries, etc. “Why am I locked out of my own house?”, I reasoned. When I listened to my spouse express that she feels safer at home alone with the kids, it helped my perspective.


My perspective. . . Her perspective. . . An opportunity for GRACE.

Every marriage has examples of different perspectives at play. A dear friend of ours, Betty Huizenga has written a wonderful little book entitled “Apples of Gold“, published by Focus On The Family, based on Prov. 25:11.
* Titus 2:3-5 gives great wisdom in this area
* Matthew 12:34 – “Out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks”
* Today we might say – “What is down in the well comes up in the bucket”

Friends, let me encourage you today to seek wisdom from the perspective of your spouse. Don’t be stubborn, defensive, or unteachable about your own perspective. Here’s an opportunity for GRACE!



On the Marriage Matters USA Blog, we talk about all things marriage. I’ll definitely explore helpful and fun ideas to strengthen your marriage. As we explore these things, let me ask you to do a few things:

  1. Give me your feedback. Is this idea helpful? Are there other ways you’ve seen this principle or idea at work in your life? Do you have suggestions for topics? Feel free to email me and let me know what your struggling with—or what you see couples struggling with—the most in your circles at home, at schools, at your church and in the community.
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At Marriage Matters USA, our vision is cultivating Christ-centered marriages that glorify God. I’d love to hear from you. You can connect here to get started. As we learn how to serve you, your marriage and build churches that champion strong marriages, ask me how to build a solid marriage ministry for your local church and community? I’m always delighted to help you and talk about how we can make marriages stronger at home, at church and in your community.


This post is from David Sheets. David is founder of Marriage Matters USA. David has been married to Bea for 41 years and they have 2 children and 6 grandchildren. He has served in church ministry for 41+ years in music, worship and marriage ministry. David is a certified facilitator of Prepare|Enrich and SYMBIS (Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts) assessments. After leading a thriving marriage ministry at McLean Bible Church in Washington DC, David and the board of directors developed a strategy to make this powerful, agile ministry available to church planters, churches and other target groups. Email David here.


Marriage Matters USA facilitates the development and growth of marriage ministries by delivering Christ-centered leadership training and providing partnership opportunities among churches to enable them to more effectively enrich marriages in their community.

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